Page 15 - The Kerry News 2018
P. 15

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Tina had a bounty on her head. She was dead meat they said. Her days were numbered anyway
and the escape from captivity was considered to be no more than a stay of execution.
The animal rights activists compared her plight to that of the tiger in India. It seems tigers went about killing and eating natives and the locals were not happy about it.
The story of Tina’s flight was world news and not just local. She was after all more than a metre tall and was without doubt the biggest of her kind anywhere in the world. The on-line news makers claimed Tina was bigger than a wolf ,and every bit as ferocious. She was a killer they maintained and it was only matter of time before Tina turned on humans.
People hereabouts, and even as
far away as thereabouts, were terrified. Men who causally shot wildlife began to congregate near the sight of the massacre of the sheep. Drones were put up as eyes in the sky. There was talk of closing the National Park where Tina was thought to be hiding out.
Tina the so- called killer turkey was on the run. Christmas is open season for turkeys anyway but a so called killer turkey has no chance atallofsurvival. Iusethetermso- called deliberately because many of us thought Tina was innocent, even though there were many who thought otherwise.
Tina was brought up free range and so she was used to foraging. But thereweresomanyenemiessuch asfoxesandstoatsontherunand
tablets, steroids, nandrolin, the pill and mixed the concoction in to Noreen’s grain based breakfast. The egg laid by Noreen, Maureen’s mother, was the size of an ostrich egg, which delighted Mike Joe
The repeats, misinformations , miscalculations and stupidities
so often propagated in such fora turned conjecture in to fact.
The sheep had been eaten but such was the frenzy on The Sheep Forum no one seemed to notice that turkeys are not that partial to
euro from Mike Joe on grounds of misrepresentation and fraud. There are those in the hill country who claim Mike Joe was last seen trying to sell his illegal substances to Tour De France Cyclists.The subsequent High Court proceedings exposed Mike Joe’s wrongdoing and he has
The sheep killing continued even after Tina emigrated to turkey and the puma was shot.
The Gardai solved the crime and the culprits were none other than the hunting dogs owned by the several members of the posse who shot the puma.
largest ever turkey But no one would eat a sheep killer. The hotels would not buy Tina. She was unsaleable.
Fora time MikeJoethoughthe might use Tina as a guard turkey, like a German shepherd which is
a dog and not a person. Tina was
a quiet bird and even though she had Mike Joe “ate out of house and home.”
The bills were mounting and Mike Joe decided to donate Tina to the zoo. There she would be caged up beside lions and tigers but at least Tina would be safe and the zoo would have to feed her.
The champion turkey owner had visions of a sign that read “Tina THE KILLER TURKEY” breeder Mike Joe Mullaghatuny.
The Irish zoo thought Tina might not fit in too well with the pets in Pet’s Corner, on health and safety grounds, and passed on Mike
Joe’s request to the Istanbul Zoo in Turkey.
The Turkish zoo were very interested and sent over the head
of the turkey enclosure to measure up Tina. The sum of 25,000 euro was agreed which made Tina the most expensive turkey ever bought or sold.
The story might have had a happy ending for all concerned if it hadn’t been for the puma.
There were sightings of a puma some time ago in Cork and when an animal resembling a puma
was seen crossing the mountains between Cork and Kerry the panic started. The very same posse that was formed to shoot Tina went out looking for the puma.
One of their members was of the opinionthekillerpumawasthe assassin that murdered and ate the sheep. He expressed this theory and as is often the case theory became fact by repetition.
The puma got away from the custody of an animal lover who smuggledhimintoIreland illegally.Thepumaescapedwhen
 the local farmers formed a posse to hunt Tina down.
And well you might ask how could such a large turkey come to exist? It seems genetically modified feed found it’s way in to the food chain. Tina’s owner Mike Joe Mullaughatawny bought a cocktail of human growth hormone
The trouble started when two lambs were ripped asunder by a vicious animal in the mountain at the back of Mike Joe’s small holding.
the owner accidentally opened the boot while searching for his sun glasses in the glove compartment. The puma slipped away and was shot to pieces by the turkey posse a few miles on this side of the town. In the meantime the Turkish turkey museum were forced to take down the sign that read Tina The Killer Turkey and initiated proceedings for the recovery of the 25,000
been banned for life from rearing turkeys.
As for Tina, well the Turks took
a shine to the gentle Irish turkey because of her pleasant disposition and pleasing demeanor. Tina has been placed in the ostrich enclosure and the biggest of birds have treated her as one of their own. And so Tina will live for a good few Christmases to come.
no end.
Mike Joe had never won The
 Kerry Turkey Championship and he finished second on 37 occasions. His near near neighbour Tom Big Bird won all 37 titles. Mike Joe was jealous and so he became a turkey cheat, but there was no dope testing.
Maureen won this year’s competitionhandsdownandthe Guinness Book of records named Mike Joe’s bird as the biggest turkey ever. The resultant publicity spread all over the world. Mike
Joe swore Maureen was fed only on Kerry oats and new milk, or beastings.Butthenagainthat’s what allthedrugscheatssay.
The Sheep Farmers Association called to Mike Joe and asked him to have Tina destroyed. Mike Joe had grown fond of Tina but he was afraid of being sued even though Tina had never left the pen. Truth be told Mike Joe’s birds weren’t reallyfreerange,theyweremore semi- free range.
Mike Joe was always out for what was best for Mike Joe. He was going to sell Tina to a big hotel who would bring her in to the dining room, stuffed and roasted, with greatfanfare andmuchpridethat theywereservinguptheworld’s
Dogs would be the prime suspects in the normal course of events but some genius on a sheep forum claimed Tina was a suspect.
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